The number “4” repeats itself four times on the Seder night.  The famous time, no doubt is the part that deals with the duty of the father to relate and explain the Exodus to his sons and to answer their queries regarding this narrative. 

These sons, according to the Hagaddah, may be grouped into four classes – namely the wise, the wicked, the simpleton and the one who doesn’t know how to ask.

According to our Rabbis there are at least four different ways to explain and teach our children according to their understanding.  In every age, in every situation, we are asked to tell the story in a suitable way to the appropriate son but all children in a family must be treated as unique individuals. What is good and appropriate for one child might be a disaster for the next. Serious parenting demands that unique needs of each of the children be identified early in life, thus providing each child with the maximum opportunities to meet his or her potential. This is true regarding educating towards proper social behavior as well as cultivating ones spiritual dimension. In areas of strictness versus leniency and potential versus actual, the uniqueness of each and every individual child must be carefully considered. This is the Mt. Sinai educational mandate to every parent as given over by Moshe.

We must understand that this meaning of relating the story is not only for our children who can be different, but maybe sometimes each and every person goes through this process in his life.  Each time a man or woman should be able to understand and connect to the story of the Exodus according to the level and mood that he/she is in.

Sometimes a man or woman can be indifferent, i.e. uninterested or unresponsive but on the other hand, sometimes he or she wants to learn more and to understand.  Sometimes he/she feels “anti”.  He/she is rebellious and refuses to connect himself or herself to the history of the Jewish people.  Sometimes he/she doesn’t have any sources from which to learn the story.  Nevertheless the Torah tells us that in every stage in our life we should recall the story.

There is another way to explain the four sons.  As you will all probably agree, in nearly every family there was a grandfather who was very righteous and connected to Jewish traditions – maybe a Rabbi and a scholar.  In the next generation, however, sometimes the son or daughter went in a different direction or even assimilated.  For the third generation, the grandson could ask the grandfather about Jewish law and customs and learn from him but for the fourth generation, when the grandfather had passed away, there was nobody to teach him.  This circle repeated itself in future generations.

As this is the situation in most families, we can find such people in many Communities and ours is no exception.  There are people who contribute and are involved, who are organizers and care for the Community.  On the other hand there are people who are indifferent, who sit to the side and don’t want to get involved.  Sometimes these people need to read in the newspaper what is going on in the Community and there will always be the ones who oppose, complain, don’t want to help, have a better idea of how to run the Community but then don’t volunteer to improve things.  Maybe this Pesach will give them the opportunity to change their attitude and to become a part of the Community. Everyone can decide what kind of son (person) they would like to be.

Tova and I want to wish you a very happy, kosher and educational Pesach.

Rabbi Haim Dovrat